I chose Thanksgiving Day to write the following guest column to honor caregivers who are often taken for granted, as I hope to bring light to their – our – plight. Loved ones navigate caring for family while they try to manage their daily lives. Taking care of my parents was hard, but something I would do over and over again.

This guest column is not rooted in polit­ic­ally laden banter – a reason to give thanks – but one that I hope brings aware­ness to the fam­ily care­giver.

In 1997, Pres­id­ent Bill Clin­ton offi­cially pro­claimed Novem­ber as National Fam­ily Care­givers Month. How appro­pri­ate that it takes place dur­ing the same month Thanks­giv­ing is cel­eb­rated throughout Amer­ica.

NFCM recog­nize and hon­ors fam­ily care­givers across the coun­try and offers oppor­tun­it­ies to raise aware­ness of care­giv­ing issues, edu­cate com­munit­ies and increase sup­port for care­givers.

I spent 18 con­sec­ut­ive years caring for both of my par­ents. First, I took care of Mom for nine years, then I took care of Dad for another nine years. It was a role I took ser­i­ously.

I watched Alzheimer’s and Sun­down syn­drome change my mother; my once-vibrant sidekick no longer enjoyed the things she loved, like cook­ing, read­ing, doing puzzles and garden­ing. When she died in 2013, I thought I would have time to regroup and replen­ish what I lost phys­ic­ally. Care­giv­ing takes a toll on your phys­ical and men­tal well-being, and it some­times fosters a life of isol­a­tion.

Shortly after her death, Dad got sick. The imagery of him fight­ing to breathe and cod­ing a couple times in an intens­ive care unit will always be a linger­ing memory.

When my father returned to his home a month later, he was notice­ably dif­fer­ent, and we spent almost every few weeks in the hos­pital or at one of the many spe­cial­ists who became fam­ily. Even­tu­ally my father had to move in with me because sleep­ing at his home seven nights a week, try­ing to main­tain both of our homes, work­ing full-time and tak­ing care of my dog took its toll on me.

Dad died in 2022.

The sad truth is not every­one can afford to pay someone to care for a loved one. Not every­one can take a needed res­pite. Many care­givers like me try to juggle full-time jobs along with full-time care­giv­ing. Caregiv­ing is an expens­ive jour­ney.

A 2023 AARP art­icle stated that by “by the year 2034, adults ages 65 and older will out­num­ber chil­dren under the age of 18, and the share of poten­tial care­givers is pro­jec­ted to con­tinue shrink­ing rel­at­ive to the num­ber of older adults poten­tially at risk for need­ing long-term care.”

This is a prob­lem.

AARP also noted that dur­ing the year 2021, about 38 mil­lion fam­ily care­givers in Amer­ica provided an estim­ated 36 bil­lion hours of care to an adult with lim­it­a­tions in daily activ­it­ies. What was the cost of their unpaid care con­tri­bu­tion? $600 bil­lion.

In his Octo­ber 2024 pro­clam­a­tion, Pres­id­ent Joe Biden stated that “we have to do more to ease the load on Amer­ica’s 50 mil­lion unpaid fam­ily care­givers, who too often still shoulder the bur­den of care all alone.”

As one of the 50 mil­lion, I say, “Amen.” There is abso­lutely no more energy left in me to be a care­taker for any­one else. I would like to think I served and honored my par­ents well.

My friend Gary Barg, who foun­ded Today’s Care­giver Magazine and The Fear­less Care­giver Con­fer­ences, – and who passed away in August – would always tell me that I needed to take my oxy­gen.

Today I will not only take time to breathe – I will also take time to smell those beau­ti­ful roses. Happy Thanks­giv­ing!

Diana Mel­lion is a recov­er­ing care­giver turned advoc­ate who spent many years work­ing for her hometown news­pa­per and cur­rently works in pub­lic rela­tions. She resides in Laud­er­hill, Flor­ida.

This op ed was originally published by the Sarasota Herald Tribune on November 28, 2024.

Diana Mellion

PR Specialist